Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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