We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
