dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
