I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
