dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
