can u get pink eye on your cock?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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