Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
