he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
