I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
