I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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