There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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