in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
