My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
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How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
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You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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