Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
