if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
