why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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