There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
