return my video game
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My ass is underappreciated
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
