he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
All I want is dick and wine.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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