this boner is exhausting
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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