How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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