He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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