i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
