Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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