What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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