I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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