Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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