Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
