I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just threw up on my dentist
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
