Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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