a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Small penises have feelings too.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
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