I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
porn star boner night. come get it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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