If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
please come you make the beer taste better
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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