it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
