i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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