it was like his penis was on wheels.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
