but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize