I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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