I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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