Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
