I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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