I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
