They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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