maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
