I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
