so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
