Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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