Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize