her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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