hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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