Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Randomize
