party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
