you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
