shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
