we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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