Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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