I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
