I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
