Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
