Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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