Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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