who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
