i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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