They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
