This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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