There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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