I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
