You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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