Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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