Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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