Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
