she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
