dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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